Yes to all of this! And can I just name one of the massive mindfucks baked into western culture around this?? Like—on the one hand, we’re told “no one’s coming to save you,” “be self-sufficient,” “do it all yourself.” Hyper-independence all the way man!
But then in the same breath it’s—trust the system, trust this company, trust the government, hand over your data, your agency, your body, your decisions—we’ll take care of it for you.
So which is it? Be radically self-reliant—or surrender everything to the machine?
It’s wild how we’re shamed for needing each other, but rewarded for outsourcing our power to institutions that do not give one shit about us. It’s not independence, it’s control.
Thanks for naming this so beautifully. I needed the reminder. And I’m sitting with the question of what real interdependence looks like when neither self-erasure nor blind trust are the answer.
I think this is the most reasonable conclusion you can make when you consider the philosophy of Ubuntu and its implications. No human is truly self sufficient. And when we embrace that fact, we power up. Community is about sustaining and supporting each other.
These words brought tears to my eyes. I think it begins with getting our dependency needs met as children. If we do not learn that we can depend on caregivers, we struggle to achieve independence and ultimately interdependence. Unmet dependency needs thwart development. Learning to do the things we can do is key, life skills are important. But there will always be times when we cannot do it ourselves; we need to have a team of support. If I do the things I can and get help when I need it, I am a whole individual woven into community in a healthy way.
This idea that independence is the goal goes deep in me. As a child, I thought if I did not have needs, the family system would work better, the adults would be happier. But that was not my job and suppressing my needs was not healthy. Today, I do the things I can do for myself and get support when I need it. In our society, we must find our own support; we cannot rely on a social safety net.
But you, dear Sher, are working on that. I trust when you have a team of support in your work, we will move toward creating systems that support individuals' needs. Thanks for this thought-provoking post.
Holy crap I needed this reminder, again, today. Thanks 💜 🙏
Yes to all of this! And can I just name one of the massive mindfucks baked into western culture around this?? Like—on the one hand, we’re told “no one’s coming to save you,” “be self-sufficient,” “do it all yourself.” Hyper-independence all the way man!
But then in the same breath it’s—trust the system, trust this company, trust the government, hand over your data, your agency, your body, your decisions—we’ll take care of it for you.
So which is it? Be radically self-reliant—or surrender everything to the machine?
It’s wild how we’re shamed for needing each other, but rewarded for outsourcing our power to institutions that do not give one shit about us. It’s not independence, it’s control.
Thanks for naming this so beautifully. I needed the reminder. And I’m sitting with the question of what real interdependence looks like when neither self-erasure nor blind trust are the answer.
I think this is the most reasonable conclusion you can make when you consider the philosophy of Ubuntu and its implications. No human is truly self sufficient. And when we embrace that fact, we power up. Community is about sustaining and supporting each other.
Interdependence is not failure.
It’s wisdom.
It’s sustainability.
It’s survival with dignity.
These words brought tears to my eyes. I think it begins with getting our dependency needs met as children. If we do not learn that we can depend on caregivers, we struggle to achieve independence and ultimately interdependence. Unmet dependency needs thwart development. Learning to do the things we can do is key, life skills are important. But there will always be times when we cannot do it ourselves; we need to have a team of support. If I do the things I can and get help when I need it, I am a whole individual woven into community in a healthy way.
This idea that independence is the goal goes deep in me. As a child, I thought if I did not have needs, the family system would work better, the adults would be happier. But that was not my job and suppressing my needs was not healthy. Today, I do the things I can do for myself and get support when I need it. In our society, we must find our own support; we cannot rely on a social safety net.
But you, dear Sher, are working on that. I trust when you have a team of support in your work, we will move toward creating systems that support individuals' needs. Thanks for this thought-provoking post.