📚 Session 20 – How Education Systems Fail Neurodivergent Kids

🌿 Transformative Education for Neurodivergent Liberation

“Just a glimpse of my autodidactic education—built from curiosity, not curriculum.”

"Education either functions as an instrument which is used to facilitate integration of the younger generation into the logic of the present system and bring about conformity… or it becomes the practice of freedom, the means by which men and women deal critically and creatively with reality and discover how to participate in the transformation of their world."
— Paulo Freire, Pedagogy of the Oppressed

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📌 If you’re just joining us, I recommend reading [Session 1 – Why I’m Leading This Workshop (My Positionality)] for shared agreements and to understand how this space is held.

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🕯️ A Note Before We Begin

Let me be clear: By institutional standards, I’m not an educator. I’m not a researcher in this area. And I’m not a parent who’s “figured it all out.”

But by humanistic standards—I am all of these things.

I’m a former student—gifted, unsupported, often misunderstood. And a parent—who has watched the school system fail both of my children in real time.

I’m also a current graduate student in Transformative Social Change at a humanistic institution. I know what it looks like when education is done right—because I’m living proof it can be.

So this session isn’t about giving advice. It’s about telling the truth from where I stand—and inviting you to do the same.

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🎒 The One Year I Was Seen

In first grade, I was identified as gifted. I was reading at a sixth-grade level. Finishing assignments before the class even got started. For one year—I was engaged. Challenged. Seen.

Then we moved. And moved again. And again.

Five elementary schools later, the gifted label was a ghost—something no one followed up on.

Because in working-class families, giftedness isn’t a golden ticket. It’s a detour. There were no enrichment programs. No consistent support. Just a smart kid trying to adapt—and getting quieter, faster, more confused about why everything still felt so hard.

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👩‍👦 Watching the System Fail My Kids

Both of my children are Neurodivergent, undeniably so. But we didn’t know that then.

What we did know was this: They were smart. Curious. Insightful. But school didn’t fit.

They’d do the homework—and not turn it in. They’d get bored, zone out, disengage—then light up in spaces where they felt safe.

Again and again, we were told:

“They’re not meeting their potential.”

But it wasn’t about motivation. It wasn’t even about learning style. It was about survival.

Their sophomore year of high school was the breaking point—not academically, but socially. That year took a toll on their spirit. Their sense of belonging. Their sense of self.

We didn’t have the words then. Just the weight of watching it happen. And when they dropped out, I didn’t argue.

They passed the GED without studying. And I knew:

It was never about ability. It was about environment.

If I could do it again—and had the economic privilege—I would have unschooled them. And they agree.

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🕯️ No Diagnosis Needed to Be Seen

This one is personal. Maybe more than most.

Neither of my sons are formally diagnosed. And yet, they are undeniably neurodivergent.

They’ve chosen not to pursue diagnosis—and I respect that. We don’t need a label or a piece of paper to believe what we already know: their minds are beautiful, complex, sensitive, brilliant.

As their parent, my job is not to name them. It’s to love them. To support them. To co-create an environment where they can name themselves.

But that hasn’t always been easy.

The world has opinions. Loud ones.

People have told me—repeatedly—that by 22, they should be farther along. That they’re too smart not to go to college. That they should be able to work full time. That they need more “structure,” more “discipline,” more “motivation.”

All of it echoes the same old lie:

If you’re not producing or performing in ways the system rewards, something must be wrong with you.

But what if nothing is wrong with them? What if what’s wrong is the system?

We are a family barely scraping by in a capitalist hellscape. And we’re also a family rooted in care, creativity, and mutual respect. We use our strengths to survive, our resilience to imagine, and our love to resist.

Neuronormativity and ableism knock on our door every day. But we answer with truth. With refusal. With softness.

And with the reminder: You do not need to be diagnosed to be deserving.

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🔍 What No One Talks About: When Parents and Young Adults Discover Their Neurodivergence Together

There’s a quiet revolution happening in so many homes—and almost no one is talking about it.

Families like mine, where parents and young adults are both discovering their neurodivergence at the same time.

Where we’re sitting across from each other at the kitchen table, finally understanding things that never made sense before. The meltdowns. The shutdowns. The school avoidance. The deep inner world that no one else ever saw.

We are not just processing diagnoses—we’re grieving years of erasure. We’re unraveling the shame, the gaslighting, the high expectations that never matched the support.

And we’re doing it without any meaningful help.

Even if my children got a diagnosis tomorrow—there’s nothing waiting for them. No formal support. Few community options. No clear pathway forward.

I know this because I’ve tried.

I spent two years in vocational rehab. Two years. I’ve had one interview.

I sat in those so-called "consumer meetings" and told the truth. I shared my access needs. I named the barriers.

And every other Autistic person (yes most of us where Autistic) in the room echoed back:

“I feel seen. Someone finally said it out loud.”

We were honest. We were specific. And we were ignored.

Still, no changes. Still, no accommodations. Still, I’m being sent through the same tired cycle—job developers, résumé writers, empty pep talks.

And I’m supposed to be grateful? Grateful for what?

You didn’t help me. You wasted my time. You exploited my labor—and my kindness.

This is what so many of us are facing. Neurodivergent families—whole systems of brilliance—barely scraping by in a society that pretends to care but offers nothing in return.

We are not broken. The systems are.

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🧬 Mapping Educational Harm Through the Cognitive Ecology Model (CEM)

CEM helps us see what the education system often refuses to: That “failure to thrive” in school is not a personal failure. It’s a patterned response to an environment that was never built for neurodivergent minds.

Let’s look at how educational harm plays out across all five layers of CEM:

🌀 Individual Layer (Self)

• Internalized shame for “not trying hard enough” or being “lazy” when executive functioning was the real challenge.

• Deep confusion when giftedness coexists with struggle—because no one teaches you that brilliance can look uneven.

• Early identity formation around being “too sensitive,” “too disruptive,” or “not living up to your potential.”

🌱 Relational Layer (Interpersonal)

• Constant correction or behavioral discipline instead of curiosity and support.

• Teachers interpreting shutdowns as defiance.

• Peers misunderstanding stimming, literal communication, or intense focus—leading to bullying, isolation, or social exclusion.

🏛️ Institutional Layer (Education Systems)

• IEPs and 504 plans that don’t account for complexity—or are only accessible if you have a formal diagnosis.

• Gifted programs that exclude 2E (twice-exceptional) students or mask their support needs.

• Punitive grading systems that reward compliance over cognition—and miss entire ways of learning.

📺 Cultural Layer (Norms, Media, Messaging)

• Stereotypes that say “smart kids do well in school” and “bad kids don’t care.”

• Pathologizing labels like “problem child,” “underachiever,” or “class clown.”

• Erasure of Autistic, ADHD, and disabled excellence in curriculum, stories, and role models.

🧱 Structural Layer (Policy + Capitalism)

• School funding tied to performance and attendance, not actual learning or well-being.

• Surveillance-based behavior management systems.

• Rigid schedules, standardized testing, and “zero tolerance” policies that disproportionately harm neurodivergent and BIPOC students.

🌱 From “Why Can’t They Learn?” to “What Are We Missing?”

CEM shifts the question from: “Why doesn’t this kid fit the system?” to “Why is the system so narrow in its definition of intelligence, participation, and potential?”

Because once we name the pattern, we can begin to change it.

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🔥 This Is Where My Rage Lives

If you’re wondering where my fire comes from—this is it.

This is where I carry my deepest systemic rage.

Because this is where the betrayal begins. Not in adulthood. Not in the workplace. But here—in childhood. In the places that were supposed to nourish us. That are supposed to see our kids. That are supposed to see us.

This is where the breakdown starts for so many families. This is where neurodivergent minds are first misread, mislabeled, misunderstood. This is where we’re manipulated into silence. Where compliance is mistaken for well-being. Where the system gaslights, punishes, and extracts—while calling it care.

And it doesn’t stop with school.

It follows us into adulthood, into vocational rehab, into bureaucratic dead ends that offer no real help—just delay, denial, and disrespect.

You want to know what erodes hope? It’s not just unmet needs. It’s being told over and over that the system is doing its best—while your reality says otherwise.

My rage is sacred. Because it’s not just mine—it belongs to every child who was failed. Every parent who begged for help and got a pamphlet. Every neurodivergent person whose brilliance was pathologized, whose needs were ignored, whose humanity was measured in data points instead of dignity.

We are not here to be grateful for scraps. We are not broken. We are survivors of a system that breaks itself on our refusal to conform.

So yes, I am angry.

And I will stay angry—until our rage becomes repair.

But from that rage, we will rise—with language, with clarity, and with each other. Because the truth has always lived in us. And together, we’re learning how to speak it.

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📓 Reflection Invitation

This isn’t just my story—it’s ours. The failures of the education system are not isolated incidents; they are patterned, predictable, and preventable. If this session stirred something in you—grief, clarity, rage—I invite you to stay with it. Let it speak.

In the spirit of workshop integrity, vulnerability must be met with shared meaning-making. So let’s continue this conversation.

✨ What was your experience in school?
✨ Where were you failed—and what would support have looked like?
✨ What do you wish someone had known, asked, or done?

Your truth belongs here. Whether you write, speak, draw, or sit in silence—your way of showing up is welcome. Let’s name the harm, hold each other through it, and imagine something better—together.

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🔮 What’s Next:

💫 New Sessions Every Monday & Wednesday
This 12-week journey unfolds twice a week—every Monday and Wednesday—with each session building on the last.

You can view the full session lineup here, and here’s what’s coming next:

✨ Session 21 – Interdependence is a Birthright
We’ll explore how the myth of independence harms us all—and why reclaiming interdependence is essential for collective liberation, especially for disabled, neurodivergent, and multiply marginalized communities.

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💬 Share Your Reflections
This space thrives when we co-create it. Your insights, stories, and resonances deepen the collective learning. You’re invited to share in the comments or send a private message if that feels safer.

💖 Support the Work
This series is freely offered—because healing and justice should never be paywalled.

If you’re in a position to support financially, a paid subscription helps sustain this labor and expands the reach of The Compassion Collective—a community grounded in equity, care, and transformation.

Every share, every response, every ripple of resonance helps keep this alive.

With gratitude,
🌿 Shamani of The Compassion Collective