Why Are You So Obsessed with Inclusion? Your Obsession Has Caused You to Be Excluded.
Reshaping the Spaces We Live In: A Journey from Exclusion to True Inclusion
“Why Are You So Obsessed with Inclusion?” When someone said this to me recently, it felt like a punch to the gut. Not because it was a new insight, but because it brought to the surface something I’ve been living with for a long time. It hit me that the very thing I’ve been striving for—creating spaces where everyone belongs—has often led me to feel excluded myself. But if I’m being honest, I’ve been grappling with exclusion my whole life.
Funny enough, this entire piece came to me while I was driving alone in my car, and a song came on my Apple Music. It was Standing Outside the Fire by Garth Brooks—a song so deeply meaningful to me. It was the anthem of my high school years, the song my best friend and I claimed as ours. We were social misfits, always on the outskirts of the in-crowd, but that song reminded us of our strength. We were different, but we were fiery in our determination to stand up for who we were.
Commentary on "Standing Outside the Fire" by Garth Brooks
"Standing Outside the Fire" isn’t just about being on the fringes of society—it’s a song about courage and defiance, about choosing the harder path even when it means standing apart. It’s about embracing vulnerability and the risk of failure, knowing that true growth and fulfillment come not from playing it safe but from stepping into the fire.
For my best friend and me in high school, this song became our anthem. We were the misfits, the ones standing outside the accepted social circles. But instead of shrinking, we leaned into our differences, finding strength in each other and in our refusal to conform.
In the context of inclusion, Standing Outside the Fire perfectly captures the essence of what it means to push against the boundaries of exclusion. We stand outside not because we aren’t worthy but because we’re fighting to expand the circle for others who feel left out. The fire represents societal expectations and norms, and though it burns hot, it’s not where the real transformation happens. That happens just outside the flames, where resilience and defiance live.
A Personal Journey Through Exclusion and Addiction
For me, exclusion didn’t just stop at social gatherings or school hallways. It followed me into adulthood, where the weight of feeling like I didn’t belong contributed to my struggles with alcohol use disorder. The irony is that while exclusion led me down that path, recovery led me to a profound understanding of inclusion.
It was through the halls of recovery that I found my true place. I experienced inclusion in its rawest form—a space where people from all walks of life could come together, united not by sameness but by shared vulnerability. In that space, I found the strength to champion inclusion far beyond the context of addiction. I realized that if inclusion could heal there, it could heal anywhere.
A Collective Vision for Inclusion
Inclusion isn’t just about adding more seats to the table. It’s about reshaping the table entirely, breaking down walls, and expanding spaces so that no one has to fight for a place. This isn’t just a personal mission for me—it’s a vision for how we can rebuild our world. I’m not asking for anyone to shrink to make room; I’m asking for the room to grow, to hold the fullness of all our differences.
The Personal Side of the Vision
Growing up, I never quite fit. Invisible barriers seemed to follow me everywhere—in school hallways, at social gatherings, even within my own family. I watched as others connected effortlessly, as if there was some unspoken code they all knew. Meanwhile, I stood on the outside, trying to decode it.
I tried everything to adapt. I changed the way I spoke, dressed, even what I was interested in. I twisted myself into countless different shapes, all in the hopes that I would finally fit into spaces that were never designed for me. But no matter what I did, true belonging always seemed out of reach. It became painfully clear—these spaces weren’t meant to hold someone like me.
But I wasn’t alone. Over time, I started seeing others on the fringes—people with different faces and different stories but the same look in their eyes. A mixture of yearning and resignation. And that’s when it hit me: inclusion isn’t just about me finding a place. It’s about reshaping our spaces so that no one else has to feel like an outsider.
Shattering the Molds That Exclude Us
Here’s the truth—advocating for inclusion makes people uncomfortable. It challenges the status quo, and sometimes, it even leads to more exclusion. I’ve been called "difficult" and "disruptive" because I push for spaces that are more inclusive. Some think I’m asking for too much, but in reality, I’m asking for something simple: a world where everyone has the opportunity to belong, just as they are.
Inclusion isn’t about taking something away from those who already have a place. It’s about making room for the richness of our differences. The spaces we live and work in weren’t designed with all of us in mind, and that needs to change. So, if I have to stand outside the circle a little longer, pushing for its expansion, then that’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make. Because it’s not just about my journey—it’s about ensuring that no one else has to feel unseen or unheard.
Let’s Vision a New Way Forward
So, what would this new world look like? It starts with questioning the systems we’ve inherited and daring to imagine something more expansive. Education that adapts to the learner, not the other way around. Workplaces that celebrate neurodiversity, race, gender, and every other identity as valuable assets. Communities where everyone feels like they belong—not just because they fit the mold, but because the mold was reshaped for them.
Let’s reimagine our systems. Let’s challenge ourselves to build spaces where no one has to fight for their place. The truth is, inclusion isn’t a static goal—it’s a living, evolving process. It grows and adapts, just like we do.
A Call to Action
I’m inviting you on this vision quest with me. What small steps can we take to make our spaces more inclusive today? How can you challenge the systems you’re part of, whether that’s at work, in your community, or in your family? How can we reshape the environments around us so that no one feels like they have to twist themselves to fit in?
Because when we start expanding the circle, we create a world where everyone can belong—and that’s the world we all deserve.