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Judith Frizlen's avatar

Again, you have written a cogent essay for our cultural biases and misunderstanding of autism. Reading this, I am nodding my head and feeling an ache in my heart.

"Masking isn’t a failure of authenticity. It’s a response to a culture that punishes authenticity.

And over time, it leads to burnout—not because autistic people are fragile, but because pretending to be someone else is unsustainable".

How have I chosen the cultural norm instead of authenticity in myself and others, in particular, my daughter? As a society, we belong when we support the cultural story in spite of the expense to the individual. I think I would rather belong to the Compassion Collective. Thanks Sher.

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Fiona Vanessa's avatar

Thank you. Your essays render clarity. They are brilliant. I shared them with my 32 year old daughter, with African roots, I am sure it will resonate for her. She has been diagnosed 2 years ago as a gifted Audhd. I am crying because this recognizes all the pressure I am going through to be believed. I am a 53 year old single mum of four, I had the IQ test a couple of years ago and since then, my introspection has led me to be convinced I am Audhd too, like my daughter. Please excuse my mistakes in English because I am French. I thought I was just this working overwhelmed mum you mention and didn’t understand fully way things were so stressful and difficult for me. I have neurodivergent friends who get me. I have been a schoolteacher for 30 years and am actually in my second month of sick-leave for burn-out. And have been différent for a décade of back pain, and hypertension. I think it is all linked with Audhd. I have been so lucky my doctors didn’t make fun of me and believed me straight away. I am waiting for an appointment in June with an autistic neuropsychologist specialized in late-diagnosed women. I am going through a real identity crisis. I have to meet with the teachers’ designated doctor at work and am so scared she will not believe me and tell me I need no help. I have taken notes and pictures of your work to help prepare the conversation with her. I have no words to express my gratitude and kept thinking, while reading, this is me ! Thank you for helping me understand why it’s so confusing and what would need to be done. I wish you get a lot of readers, as this important topic for autistic people’s survival deserves. I imagine most of them are autistic or healthcare professionals. I will definitely speak of your work when I meet my specialized doctor.

Future me is a fog. I know I can’t work as hard as I have up till now. I have written a book because writing is my thing. I don’t know how I am going to cope now. Luckily my 4th child will leave home in September to be a student, I will be on my own, it looks like the moment for transition and change.

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