On Difference, Disability, and Making Room

On disability, self-definition, and making room for each other

I want to take a moment to reflect on something that’s been coming up for me lately, both in conversation and in how I hold this space.

This reflection is about my experience, how I understand my own life, and the choices I’ve made. It is not an attempt to speak for anyone else, and it’s not a denial of anyone else’s lived reality.

I want to start there, because that matters.

Disability is not a bad thing. It’s real. It’s meaningful. It’s a lived reality for many people, including many autistic people, and it deserves care, access, and respect. I don’t deny that. I don’t minimize it. I don’t argue with it.

At the same time, I also want to be honest about myself.

I am autistic, and I don’t experience myself as disabled in my current life. That isn’t because autism is inherently non-disabling, and it isn’t because I think others are wrong about their experiences. It’s because, over time, through a lot of work, refusal, redesign, and choice, I’ve built a life that fits me well enough that I’m…